The problem with self improvement is knowing when to quit. Mediocre people sometimes attain amazing success because they don’t know when to quit. We don’t quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing. And boxing champ Bernard Hopkins,50, will quit when he’s wrinkled…

Any man with a wife is used to listening to orders. So when one (or was it all?) of my exes used to ‘order’ me to quit drinking coffee in the morning I would plead: ‘But then I’ll have to drink my bourbon straight!’

No doubt the whole fifth.

At that she would look at me sort of cockeyed — or, at least, after my third cup she/they always seemed that way — and snort: ‘You’ll get used to it…’

Or not…

Hmm… Another devious devil in a red flannel nightgown.

And sometimes I used to challenge the female Lucifer to a wrasslin’ match. With the loser giving up coffee and the winner giving-up ‘sum’. Trouble is, when you wrassle a gorilla you can’t quit when you’re tired. You can only quit when she’s tired.

And without my coffee I am always tired.

Hmm… I think I have a problem…

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